As the First Dates the web series unfolds, and as we release a new episode every Monday, we are going to pretend as if we’re one of those really cool shows on HBO and provide you with a plot summary so that you can follow along. To be honest though, I don’t really get the point of plot summaries for video series. I can maybe understand them for people who have to write a report on some famous movie (or book that his been turned into a movie) for your Film History 301 class at Columbia University, but outside of that–what the hell are we making plot summaries of How I Met Your Mother for?
But they’re making them–so we’re jumping on board with this “fascinating trend.” Beware..there are plenty of spoiler alerts in the sentences to come. In the event you haven’t already watched the pilot episode of First Dates, I suggest you do that first!
The first words of the series–the sentence that could very well determine how the rest of this entire series goes, and could be the difference between making it and breaking it–were “Oooh! Yes, honey!” Those words came from Ricky, as we walked up to a stand-alonish Samantha (Sam), who was sitting at the table tapping away at her smartphone. Ricky introduces himself as an “actor by day, waiter by night,” and offers Samantha a stiff drink after she reveals that, between her and her husband, she’s the one who “brings home the bacon.” Once Ricky leaves, Samantha returns to her phone, whereupon her friend Elaine tells her about some issues she’s having with a guy she’s dating.
Sam has now moved to the bar, where a man–her husband Dave–joins her saying that he has something to tell her. Sam kisses Dave while interrupting him to tell him she has a Valentine’s Day gift to share. But Sam is quickly interrupted by Dave, who hastily tells Sam that he wants a divorce. Sam gets angry very quickly, and begins to go off on Dave, but Dave has a rebuttal for everything she says, and ultimately reveals that he doesn’t believe he can follow his dream of becoming a country music singer if he stays in what he believes to be an anti-creative relationship. As Dave leaves, he brings up the subject of splitting their money post-divorce, but Sam quickly reminds Dave that he doesn’t have any money to split with her.
Sam Smells Bad
Sam shoos her sister, Jamie, over as she joins her and Elaine the bar. Elaine barely recognizes Sam as she’s dressed in a hoodie, sweats and shades, and apparently smells really, really bad. Sam makes it clear that she’s not too concerned about socially-permissable hygiene at the moment. Everyone–Elaine, Jamie, and even the reappearing watier, Ricky–tries to be nice to Sam, but she’s not having it, going off on everyone around her, including Ricky, who mutters “bitch” under his breath as he walks away. Frustrated with Sam’s behavior, Elaine and Jamie leave Sam to her own devices at the bar.
Sam shows up at the bar, where 3 female friends and her sister Jamie are waiting for her. Above them is a sign that reads “Intervention”, and Sam begrudgingly has a seat. The women begin to tell Sam that her emotions are now affecting her work and that she needs to get back in the dating game and meet some guys now that 3 months have passed since she and Dave have broken up. After some convincing, Sam agrees to give online dating a try, but she does so with the caveat that she’s not dating any white men.
Back in the Game
After Sam’s friends convince her to join an online dating app, Sam goes on several dates. All of the dates go horribly though, especially after Sam asks each of her dates what their “favorite thing about a woman is.” Sam finally goes on one last date. And right before it, Ricky approaches her to take Sam’s drink order. Sam, now in a better mood than she was when she last saw Ricky, tries to apologize to Ricky, who she had upset that last time they had spoken. Ricky won’t have any of it though, refusing to accept Sam’s apology and is downright rude to Sam as he walks away.
As Sam’s date approaches, Sam is immediately attracted to him. The guy introduces himself as James, and he tells Sam that he owns a recycling company. James and Sam go back and forth trading playful barbs, before Sam finally asks him what his “favorite thing about a woman is.” James immediately responds with “a woman’s mind,” but he abruptly goes into a diatribe about a woman’s feet, revealing a foot fetish that is all too disgusting, freaky and forward. Sam throws water in James’ face and walks out of the restaurant. As Sam leaves, Ricky walks up, declaring that Sam has no home-training. James takes a gander at Ricky’s feet.